Invisible City
by anotherweasley
Summary: Claire gets a little help from someone in L&O's past which helps her to move forward.


Invisible City  
By: Olivia  
  
"That blessed mood/In which the burthen of the mystery/In which the heavy and the weary  
weight/Of this unintelligible world is lightened."-William Wordsworth-"Lines Composed a Few  
Miles Above Tintern Abbey"  
  
  
Claire Kincaid could feel the warm sun hitting her face.  
  
"You can open your eyes now, Claire," said an unrecognizable male voice next to her.  
  
Claire opened her eyes. She was sitting on a bench across the street from a church. She  
recognized it as one she had attended as a child in New York City. Her parents had brought her  
here, but since she moved out and declared herself an agnostic, she had not come herself.   
  
Claire turned to the man who had spoken to her. She didn't recognize him nor did she  
understand what she was doing here. She couldn't shake the feeling though that she was  
supposed to be somewhere else.  
  
"I'm sorry, do I know you?" Claire asked. She was confused, uneasy.  
  
The man smiled politely at her. "No, I'm afraid we've never had the pleasure of meeting. But I  
know some people you've worked with."  
  
The man didn't elaborate. Was he being deliberately evasive? So Claire asked him who their  
mutual acquaintances were. The man smiled pleasantly at her or maybe it was at some fond  
memories of his.  
  
"I was a Sergeant down at the 2-7. I was partnered with Mike Logan for a year. And through  
prosecuting cases, I worked with Ben Stone and Paul Robinette in the DA's office."  
  
Claire nodded at his explanation. "I don't know Paul very well. I took over his job when he left  
the DA's office and worked with Ben Stone as second chair for a year before Ben left. And I  
worked on cases with Mike Logan for about two years before, well...I'm sure you heard about  
the incident of him hitting the Councilman."  
  
The man chuckled. "Yeah, Mike has a temper alright. Sometimes in his pursuit of justice he  
gets a little carried away, to put it mildly. But he's a good Detective and a good person."  
  
Claire smiled and nodded in affirmation.  
  
"You must have been partnered with him before Lennie Briscoe." For some reason Claire felt a  
chill as soon as she mentioned Lennie's name.  
  
"Yes. I was partnered with Mike even before he was partnered with Phil Cerreta."  
  
"I'm sorry I don't know the name. And I don't think I caught your name."  
  
The pleasant man put out his hand for her to shake, which she did.  
  
"Greevey. Max Greevey."  
  
With the introductions over with Claire stood up. "It was very nice to meet you, but as strange as  
this seems, I'm not really sure how I've wound up here. It's been a weird day. I watched a man  
being executed by the State this morning and I took the day off going places trying to come to  
terms with me helping to put this man to death. I was against the death penalty and I didn't see  
how I could live with myself and do my job at the same time. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ramble  
on like that. I'd better go call in to the office. My boss has been trying to page me all day."  
  
Claire wasn't certain why she was telling Max all this. There was just something about him that  
made her feel able to open up to him.  
  
Max stood up and said sadly, "Claire, Jack's not in his office."  
  
Claire was confused and slightly frightened. "What are you talking about?"  
  
Claire heard commotion at the church and she looked in it's direction. People started filing out  
of the front door dressed in black. She recognized the people and then a coffin was being  
brought out. Jack, Lennie, Rey, Mike, Ben, and even Paul were acting as pall bearers. What was  
going on? Claire had never been so frightened. Her Mother and Stepfather exited the church  
next followed by Anita, Liz, and Adam. Claire had never seen them look so sad before. Most  
were fighting back tears and her Mom was crying outright.  
  
"Jack! Lennie! Mom!" Claire shouted to them from across the street. She took a few steps  
toward them when she felt Max's gentle but firm grip on her arm holding her back.  
  
"They can't hear you, Claire." Max said compassionately. "You went to the bar looking for  
Jack, but instead you found Lennie there. You offered to give him a ride home. He had been  
drinking and you were worried about him. Besides the fact you knew he was a recovering  
alcoholic, you wanted to make certain he made it home okay. On the way, a drunk driver hit  
your car killing you. But you knew all this."  
  
Claire nodded slowly. It was as if the fog in her mind had lifted and suddenly she remembered it  
all. Lennie was sweetly telling her how he was bad with relationships, but that she was like a  
daughter to him. He was drunk, but Claire knew he meant it. Then there was the bright light of  
the headlights, the noise of metal hitting metal, glass breaking, pain, and then nothing."  
  
"Lennie's okay though, right?" Claire asked worriedly as she gazed at Lennie.  
  
"As you can see, he's fine. He walked away from the accident with minor cuts and bruises.  
Since the car impacted on the driver's side he was spared. Of course he and Jack are suffering  
from survivor's guilt over your death. They and the others miss you terribly. They can't see past  
this moment in their lives right now. Just as my wife, Marie, my three kids, and Mike, Don, Ben,  
and Paul couldn't see past my death at that point in their lives."  
  
Claire focused her attention back on Max. "You're dead, too?" For some reason this didn't  
surprise her as much as she felt it should have.  
  
"Yes. I was shot by a man who didn't want me to testify the next day in front of the Grand Jury  
that Ben and Paul had summoned. They all blamed themselves for different reasons. They  
thought if only they had done something different. Life is full of choices. They thought if only  
they had gone right instead of left or visa versa. But the point is that they were not to blame.   
They blamed themselves for the actions of one man whose actions were beyond their knowledge  
or control, just as your friends are doing."  
  
Claire turned her attention back to her funeral. "Will they be okay, Max?"  
  
Max patted her arm comfortingly. "Yeah, they'll be just fine. That's the thing about life. It's  
spirit will never be conquered. Even by death. If that makes any sense at all. But your life and  
death will always be a part of their lives. You have changed them all irrevocably."  
  
Suddenly, Claire was angry. "But there's so many things I've left undone and unsaid. I was  
thinking about leaving the job. I never told Jack that I had decided to stay. I never told him that  
I realized that I was not perfect. It's the striving to be and fixing mistakes that's important. I  
never told him that even though I still have doubts about the death penalty, it is New York's law.   
But the law is not written in stone. It is changeable. And even though as a lawyer I need to work  
within the boundaries of the law, if there is one thing I have learned from Jack it is that laws need  
to be tested and, if necessary, changed so that justice is continually being served. The law is  
meant to punish criminals, to hold them accountable so they never do their crimes again."  
  
"The death penalty is one of the most extreme actions the State can take against one its citizens  
to punish them, as you yourself observed today," said Max.  
  
"The man I watched die today, I saw him as the victim. I forgot that he deserved to be punished  
for his crime. He deprived a woman of her life. He took that innocent life violently,  
deliberately, and without remorse."  
  
"And yet you still feel guilty," said Max softly, compassionately.  
  
"I can hide behind my moral indignation and say that everyone should be given a chance at  
redemption. But I've seen some criminals, looked them in the eye, and seen the evil. It's one of  
the reasons I joined the DA's office-to get the criminals off the streets, to hold them accountable  
for their actions. But the truth is that I feel guilty and responsible for his death-guilt which he  
himself never felt for his victim. Perhaps killing him was too much, but at the same time it  
wasn't enough."   
  
"But not being able to tell Jack that you were staying isn't the only reason you are angry."  
  
Claire's anger mixed with sadness. "I never told Jack that I loved him. I never told Lennie or  
the rest of them how much they meant to me. I didn't get to say good-bye."  
  
Max nodded in agreement. "We all feel that way at first. I never got to say good-bye to Marie or  
the kids, or Mike, or Don, or the rest of them. But deep down they know how I feel about them.   
Even when they doubt, they know. Just as your loved ones know deep down. Even when they  
doubt. And eventually we are all reunited at some point and all the doubts disappear."  
  
"What about the man who hit Lennie and I? What will happen to him?"  
  
"Your friends, just as mine did, will work to see that justice is done so this doesn't happen again  
and that the guilty are punished for their crimes."  
  
The two watched as the funeral party got into their respective cars and prepared to follow the  
hearse to the burial site. Claire's anger slowly dissipated watching this sight. It was all so  
surreal.  
  
"I'm surprised they gave me a church service considering my beliefs."  
  
"But you forget that your family still believes, as well as most of your friends, in God. This  
organized religion gives them comfort by showing and sharing their grief at your loss. Their  
belief in God and an afterlife gives them comfort that you still `live on' out there or here or  
where ever. When a person dies, the survivor deals with it more than the deceased does.   
Someone said something like that once."  
  
"Considering that I'm dead and not dealing with it too well, I'm not sure I'd agree. Are we going  
to follow them to the burial site?"  
  
"Well at least you've still got your sense of humor. And no, we're not going to follow them.   
Your at peace now. You've realized that you are dead and are ready to move on. You've seen  
the people you love. They're going to be okay. They don't know it today and will not  
tomorrow, but one day they will realize it. They will cease grieving excessively and move on  
with their lives, but there will always be a spot in their hearts which only you occupy. You can  
check on them when you like. But there is so much I need to show you now, so much that awaits  
you."  
  
"I was raised Catholic, but I've spent my life not knowing if I believe in God ," Claire said  
hesitatingly.   
  
Max just grinned at her. "Just because you don't believe in God doesn't mean God doesn't  
believe in you."  
  
Claire returned his grin. The two strolled down the street, away from the mourners, swapping  
war stories of days spent capturing and prosecuting criminals as they headed for eternity.  
  
*****************************************************************************  
"Looking back at the crash site/I don't see me by the road side/Well this heart is on wheels  
tonight...Well this invisible city/Where no one sees nothing/We're touching faces in the  
dark/Feeling pretty is so hard/Now all of these forces/And all of these noises/With all their  
illusion of choices/They've come to knock on my door with one dozen roses...It may be the first  
of mistakes when we held on too loosely let open the gates."-The Wallflowers-"Invisible City"  
*****************************************************************************  
  
  
  



End file.
